From DEAR SUNNY (18)
DEAR SUNNY is a volume of letters, compiled and blended to provide "conversation" between two sisters-in-spirit. The focus is discovery of the inner self. The miracles of discovery are shared, declared, challenged and expanded through the medium of communication.
The letters were written during an 18-week Science of Mind class. I went home from class and wrote my thoughts to Sunny. She responded directly to many of my comments and thus, the book was created.
The time when these thoughts and letters were created was several years ago. We continue to grow and move about geographically - but the warm thoughts of communication continue.
A portion from "First Week:"
DUSTY: I heard recently what causes my busy time variation. This girl in California isn't involved in outside homework as much as her sister in Missouri. I do my homework but it doesn't provide a feeling of outer commitment. I will experience the outer commitment very heavily during the holidays, though. I am affirming it as productive to my spiritual growth.
SUNNY: Could I interrupt please? Thanks. The outside-of-home commitments are inner commitments from self to God back to self. They are my love gifts for myself in the present and my bank account for the hereafter. I have very few outside commitments, can't think of any now, unless it would be my writer's guild. That isn't as fulfilling as I would like.
DUSTY: By "outer commitment," my reference was "away from the house." I was making comparison of where your time versus mine has investment as activity. I am not trying to be defensive here, just a clarification. I realize the difference between "inner" and "outer" commitments. I try not to allow "outer" commitments to take hold, although, because of family situations, sometimes I choose to make some readjustments.
SUNNY: Outer and inner commitments are the same to me. You said you know their differences. That is where I am coming from here. For me, there isn't any difference. I am working as a Spiritual Whole in all I do.
DUSTY: Oh, I see what you mean, now.
I am surprised at how quickly I am getting everything done these days. I affirmed a smooth flowing during Interlude because I had a bunch to get done. With all the time left afterward, rather than getting wasted between, I have a good block of time still available.
I am proceeding in third gear but it is getting time to push into higher gear. NO! I am not going to talk myself into an anxiety attack. (I don't have those.) It will all get done by keeping a steady pace. I am doing fine. I will check my progress of what yet needs doing next month and will adjust my calendar then. I am looking forward to good discussion during our coffee clutches.
My yoga and quiet time disintegrated the whisper that I would meet fatigue. I feel exhilarated.
Even so, I am going to be kind to me and go to bed at a reasonable hour.
SUNNY: I did yoga yesterday evening again. This is my choice as a mental alertness pill. I can use it for evening work. I was doing it and got sidetracked and now my body has forgotten. The muscles forget fast.
I spoke to two doctors about yoga breathing. They never heard of it. I mentioned breathing to the depth of your lungs and holding it and so on. They looked at me as if I were about ready for confinement in a zoo. And you think metaphysics is taboo out your way!
I hope you will be good to yourself, whatever that takes.
With the yoga, maybe I can be more mentally alert and stay awake. I can stay awake now but I am not worth two cents after nine or ten o'clock P.M. I wish I were mentally alert, too. I would like to get more done, even as fun stuff. It is coming but slowly. I get impatient with self and others still. That is getting better but I have a long way to go yet on that one.
Being physically tired doesn't seem to slow down your mind that much. Does it?
DUSTY: I didn't previously consider it so. Since I am getting up earlier regularly and keeping active through the day with mental activities, my brain often goes "blap" at 9:30 PM. With affirmation, I will hold attentiveness as long during the evening as necessary.
SUNNY: I am starting to use "blap" in oral conversations and get teasing from others. I use it as a positive. When I get my feet in too deep, they come out quickly with "blap" and I can start over or forget it, whichever the case may be.
DUSTY: I have NOT done what I told myself to do. Can I get the entire house vacuumed before Bill gets home in a half-hour? That is a giggle. Some areas are needing it, vacuuming, not the giggle. Although, right now, that is all it is getting, the giggle, not the vacuuming. My brain is soapy. I am cleaning it out but there are still a few suds. How is that for getting away from being too serious?
From the "Ninth Week:"
DUSTY: One discussion from class was about how thoughts are the creators. The words that come out of the thought are our personal picture of the thought. Another cannot see our thought in the same way as we see it because WORDS handicap our communication. That has been a truth but what I have just now written better describes the occurrence.
Linda shared something briefly about an insight of the power that takes place behind or before the spoken word. This is all beginning to click right now as power, vastness, substance and limitlessness.
I agree, the third spirit in friendship provides true communication. That is tops in our human and spirit ability to communicate. At the total central core no words of vocabulary exist that describe the true sense and experience of a happening.
Here is another comment about the capacity of words. WE HAVE TO ACT AS IF THEY MEAN SOMETHING. The "as if" takes place by practicing the depth and closest we can come in expressing precisely our meaning. It is a lifetime practice to have that communication with more than just a few very special people, to have it with everyone we meet. Wouldn't that be a wondrous experience?
SUNNY: Patience and selflessness are two solutions. Some people are in too much pain or too whatever to be able to handle deep talk. It takes special people to talk deep. People who are secure or brave, the latter was the old me, are most likely to. "Deep" carries a different meaning for each person. That probably even differs for us somewhat.
DUSTY: Thanks for the word vitamins: patience and selflessness. I will take them.
Linda was sharing honesty from her list of "have"s. She went on to relate that after she wrote it, she doubted. She had discovered she has "never been honest with self." She said it deals with getting beneath the automatic reaction to others.
Honesty is expressing to self and others from the heart, not from an irrational reaction. We haven't opened the same door she was discussing so we don't have the proper vocabulary accessible to interpret her message.
What we did share, in response, was the wondrous learning from Ylene, who, along with her hubby, has established home as safe. We see daily how difficult that door is to open to establish honesty rather than reacting.
SUNNY: I understand what Linda was talking about, from the honesty I have received and still receive in smaller portions from life's learning experiences.
DUSTY: Back to our thought concerning the ability to express. In the past, we narrowed our definition of "express" to mean "verbalize." We are extending it again now to include all our actions.
Do we see what is happening here? We are taking terms from narrow to broad, same as I and you to "we." Not too far back we were taking them from broad to narrow.
We also like the attitude achieved when we use, "celebrate," as a form of "express."
Linda added a quick comment when we were sharing, but I didn't get further explanation of what it entails. She responded, we live in a realm of minimal principles. We are just growing within each of them.
What we hear reflected from others in class, similar to what we have heard reflected to us from program, is a short summarization of what we are saying in a NEW context of awareness. It is one of the somethings we desire to develop when in enlightened discussions with others.
We relate a personal experience, which OFTEN leads away from what the other person was saying. This is still a carry-over from the past but it carries a desire for change. We DESIRE to verbalize we understand, by using a short, concise analogy or principle. It is the same idea as what Linda reflected as confirmation of what we are experiencing, that we live in a realm of minimal principles. My response to her concise summary was an excited, "YES." (She understands.)
SUNNY: I understand a "YES" as well.
DUSTY: The (She understands) was part of my response within.
SUNNY: Our answers aren't usually that short.
DUSTY: This is proving to be a challenge to provide short and simple answers. I am learning and using it in class and will, hopefully, continue to learn to do so more in our communication. New insights don't always release old habits instantly.
From the "Fourteenth Week:"
SUNNY: I am getting many refresher courses from my present mentor about NOT GIVING MY POWER AWAY. Joy used to tell me the same meaning in different words. Others cannot disrupt your serenity unless you let them and we are not powerful enough to disrupt theirs. Tap! Tap! Tap! I hadn't thought of good ole tap-tap for awhile now. I KNOW YOU KNOW THAT. Just feedback, not lessons.
DUSTY: Yes, I appreciate your reminders. Like you, I am okay, IF I stay in my Higher Self. It is a matter of slipping down and "having to say it to get it out of my system," which I KNOW isn't NECESSARY.
SUNNY: It may not be necessary but it sure works for me to write things out and write things into my life, sometimes too well. I make lists and they feel written out when they still need doing.
I will vote for the loving one-on-one talks Shelly has me practicing, also. I am getting lots of valuable growth for US from this. There will be more serene discussions when we disagree, hopefully.
DUSTY: Tell me more about the "loving one-on-one talks." Do you mean between you and your hubby? What are some helpful guidelines, if any?
SUNNY: For the one-on-one talks, you sit with a person who is doing something that is bothering you, across the table when possible. You tell the person how much they are helping in your growth, because they are, and compliment them, meaningfully, and take the I approach (my problem), not a lot different from the assertive training you had. Then explain your problem. The degree would depend on the other person's comprehension of me, for me. Explain their behavior, without pointing, that you were having your problem around. That is almost, without my interruptions, a direct quote from my mentor.
DUSTY: Yes, it sounds similar to assertive training methods for communication.
I asked a couple of people how they made peace with the wind. One waitress at the restaurant said, "God must want the wind to blow." Jane said, "I make a lot of appointment cancellations." Those don't give me much help. Jane and I discussed it a bit and she said she just stays home on those days and lets it do its thing. She tries not to let it bother her. Then we discussed the more we "try" to do something, the more it builds within. That is true.
The "thought for the week" in this week's assignment is "What you are is God's gift to you. What you make of yourself is your gift to God." Last week's was neat, too, "Start living as if your life depended on it." It is similar to one I like, "May you live all the days of your life."
And, from the "Eighteenth Week:"
DUSTY: Joy in resurrection! Spring brings many reminders. The dryads are scurrying from tree to tree, touching the leaf blossoms. The leprechauns have been leaving little footprints all around our house for the last week. Faerie footprints have been seen around the new flower shoots popping out into the warm spring sunshine. It is delightful to be outdoors this time of year.
Before class started, my mentor and I discussed a bit about definitions. I said I was getting different interpretation of the term "ego" from Holmes than from "Course in Miracles." She said that is to be expected. Just read both and develop my own definition. I explained I wanted to know my definition before it becomes discussion in any of my writing. She said the person reading would draw their own understanding to the term, regardless. That wasn't satisfying my curiosity.
I asked her how she defines "ego." Then I got my answer. She said we are made up of myriad personalities, those that have developed throughout our lifetime of experiences. One personality takes center stage to handle a particular setting and then leaves. Another appears for the next setting.
SUNNY: My opinion is all of our natures hunger for the oneness of God. That with conscious practice we can become aware of our already being centered in our God-self. We can walk through each day with the God-self, with oneness, allness and balance at center-stage. By the way, I like that phrase and have noticed myself using it lately.
Is that not an extension of your God-self showing its light through me, but as oneness, not as ego? We are sisters in God's eyes; He is our Father and point of Oneness, correct? Since in the spiritual reality we both agree on God being all there is and expressions are for man to use as a tool to glorify God and our God-self, this is my truth!
DUSTY: Thanks for sharing, Sunny.
My teacher was calling these personalities by people's names, still within herself: George, Mary, Rachel, Mike, and others. George has handled a certain type of difficult people before so he comes to center stage and says "I know exactly how to take care of this dude." He proceeds, unless she chooses to excuse him and calls for a different personality.
Then she asked me, "which one of these is 'ego'?" They ALL are. She may prefer some less than others but they are all a part of her being.
Each person has this "cast of characters" that have, through experience, proven themselves capable or defeating in handling situations. They are the ones who come to the foreground when a similar setting projects itself.
I like that way of looking at it and it settles my whole question, "what is ego?" My fun game may become "naming my personalities," a few of the dominant ones, at least. That is a neat way of getting to know myself, too. Right now there is a "stubborn" personality. Let us name it "Babes," who is not wanting to play this game.
I did play a bit of a name game awhile back, while waiting for Shawn and reading Emerson. Something drew me to name my "spirit of the desert." Her name came up as "Agatha." I know why. My teacher has been an instrument in changing my attitude toward the desert. "Agatha" means "good."
I began doing some inner analyzing about my ease at naming things outside myself. It has been much easier and quicker to name things about me than to take the time and effort to name traits of the inner me.
Some of those inner traits are being identified. They weren't all on center stage at the time, but through recall, I could see them. One is the "family social" identity. That is "Lynna." Another is the seclusive, love-to-gain-enlightenment character. That is Dusty. I don't have a name for Mommy or Hon when our family is consorting. Another is the carefree trait who loves to climb to the mountaintops. That may still be Dusty. There are many minor characters, too. There is one who gets off-center and impatient with hubby or son, one who enjoys interior design, one who enjoys drawing, one who enjoys afternoons like today. For my own fun, I am looking at putting names with the traits.
Linda has shared she has a "Victoria" within her, the character that appreciates the finer things, the "touch of class," the Victorian era design. I prefer having specific, applicable names like this, rather than Jane, Mary, or John.
I began studying some name books. The "Eldena" in me began playing games. I wrote different names to match my different traits, likes and dislikes about self. I get a bit of a hint that the different identification for traits is a game Lucinda, my penpal, plays, too. She hasn't said so specifically, but her way with words hints that she considers it a part of her. It was from her "fancifulness" I got started with describing my enchantments. It is my way of "lightening up" to see more of my playground.
Today I have called for "Moriah" and "Anne" to take center stage. "Henrietta" often takes authority on weekends but she went to work yesterday morning and today it doesn't look like she did anything.
All this is game playing so bear with me until I get the "person" worked out. I am still trying to figure if the different names will be she, I, or we. It is fun to play these games.
I will try not to use the names of traits that have center stage without identifying them for you. It is another era I am going through and once I have them identified, I will go to another room. You mentioned it difficult to keep up with me, through all my "rooms." If I weren't writing to you so often, you wouldn't have to put up with all this.
SUNNY: God is allowing us to practice communication for another year before we have a chance to do it in person so we ought to have a lot of golden moments to share in High Quality deep talk.
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